DeAtH NoTe OnEsHoTs
by xNearxJeffreyx
Summary: In which Light tries to get some, and Matt is the world. Most will be MXM
1. Happy Birthday Matt!

Matt pushed his chair away from the computer and stood up, stretching his stiff muscles. It had been a long day of spying on pop sluts and nearly peeing in his pants because his legs were so numb he almost didn't make it to the bathroom.

Never mind the fact that today was his birthday.

Never mind the fact that Mello hadn't even remembered it.

The blonde teen had been in his room all day, only withdrawing from it's dark cave-like interior to look for a pair of scissors and some paper. Matt could have sworn he hissed when pale light from the open window glinted across his skin.

"Your acting like a fucking vampire" Matt had laughed

His only response was the sound of Mello slamming his door shut. Now he heard the slow creak of a door opening and the sound of Mello stomping out. "Here", he said holding out a small white pamphlet and waving it in Matt's face. It had the words 'Happy Birthday Matt' written in purple marker across the top, on the inside were slips of paper that said things like...

'_One free bite of chocolate, but only a __**TINY**__ bite_!'

And

'_A day off, to do whatever you want_'

"A coupon book?" Matt said, grinning "and to think that I thought you were a heartless bastard who didn't give a shit about me." He flipped through the pages, watching Mello grow listless and nervous.

"What's this?" Matt cocked his eyebrows at the last page. '_One free kiss'_ it said in tiny letters.

"I think I'll use this one now" he said as he wrapped his arms around Mello's slender waist, and pressed his lips to Mello's soft ones. "We'll have to celebrate birthday's more often!"


	2. Wammy valentines

All around Wammy's orphanage love was in the air. The smaller children spent their day's making pink and red paper hearts and taping them to the walls. Roger went ahead and booked Mello's dentist appointment, and the girls traveled through the orphanage in large packs, whispering about their crushes. Everyone was in the spirit for love, all except a little white-haired boy crouched over a colorless puzzle. Valentines was nothing more than needless interruption upon everyday life. Absolutely ridiculous and anything to get more gifts were words that he used to describe this day. He looked disdainfully at the walls of the playroom , now smothered in tacky paper hearts and pink streamers. Even though he and Linda were the only ones that used this room, she had insisted in decorating it.

"Hi Near!"

Speak of the devil...

She flounced up to him wearing a pink lacy stockings, and a matching ribbon in her golden hair. In one hand was her sketchbook, in the other a plate of cookies.

"Happy Valentines Day!" she grinned while holding the plate out.

He tentatively took one, only to be polite of course, and motioned for her to sit down. She plopped down and rustled through her sketchbook, giving Near the time to turn around and continue with his puzzle .For awhile it stayed calm like this, the only movement coming from Linda when she cautiously edged closer and let her back rest against his.

"Near"

"yes"

"never mind"

"......"

Minutes later he heard the sketch book slip from her fingers, and felt the warmth of her head as it rested against his shoulder. He gently turned around and gathered the pile of pink and blonde into his arms. Rising carefully he walked to the window seat and laid her down gently. Watching as her chest rose and fell with each breath. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Happy valentine's day Linda"


	3. The mask

Mello nearly pissed himself the first time he saw his face after the explosion.

"I-I'm ugly!?!" he asked the mirror incredulously as if something like this wasn't supposed to happen to someone as bangable as himself.

"No Mello, your just-um-a bit more terror inducing" Matt said reassuringly as he struggled to hold back the laughter bubbling up his throat at the faces mello was making into the mirror.

"How can you joke at a time like this!?! I need an ambulance, a plastic surgeon, a-a-"

"Mask" Matt finished for him.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAA"**

Mello's normally sharp features contorted even more, and tears flooded down his face until they gathered in a puddle on the floor, and threatened to flood the earth. It took hours of matt pleading forgiveness, offering to supply mello with chocolate for the rest of his life, and promising to stop smoking before mello stopped crying long enough to pull out the gun conveniently located in the crotch of his leather pants.

^ ^'

"Mello put down the gun"matt chuckled nervously.

"Am I the most prettyfullest person you've ever had the fortune to meet?"mello asked darkly, still sniffling.

"Very, very pretty" matt nodded quickly.

"Good, good , I'm glad we're on the same page matty-boy, now carry me to bed!"

The next morning 

When mello stretched out his hand and lazily felt around for his boyfriend, he only got a handful of air, and a feeling of disappointment. Mello sat up and stretched, swinging his blonde hair from side to side, matt must have gone out to get grocery's. As he was getting up though he noticed the small package on the edge of the bed, thinking it to be chocolate he tore open the present. It was not chocolate on the inside, but a costume mask that was made to cover only half of the face.

_To my very own phantom of the opera_

-_Matt_

Several hours later a young unidentified man was being treated at the hospital for multiple shot's to the kneecap. Guess who?


	4. LxCupcake

L stared across the table at his love in all her cylindrical glory. She was coated in a fluffy cloak of pale pink icing, making her appear soft and...slightly sticky. The pink contrasted beautifully with the rest of her pale round underside, and he sat slightly stiffer when his roaming eyes appraised the exquisite perfection of her dark red strawberry which sat at a slight angle as if to tease him.

'_take me ryuzaki, take me_' It seemed to whisper to him '_I'm ready to be eaten'_

L licked his lips and clutched the edge of the table with sweaty hands, about to have the best orgasm in his poor virgin life just being this close to something so yummy and pure-.

"Ryuzaki, why do you look life your going to rape that cupcake" Light said, interrupting his wonderful thoughts of icing on his fungers, and in his mouth, choking him in sweetness and sugary bliss.

"Light-kun, there's about a 110% chance of you being put in confinement if you do not leave me and my lover alone...

Ooooooo...pwd :3


	5. What i go through to get some

L noted the mischievous look in the chocolate coloured eye's of Yagami Light. Light-kun should have been focusing his attention on the television messages the second kira sent to sakura t.v instead of watching L eat his fourth piece of strawberry cake, but that was turning out to be an epic fail.

"Light-kun I do believe that your beginning to suffer from attention deficit disorder, also known as ADD" the armchait detective recited amusedly as Light glared from across the room.

"Well if you didn't look like a model for some sort of dessert themed porno then we wouldn't have this issue" He replied smugly.

**Light - 1**

**L - 0**

"well if you didn't act like a hormone crazed 14 year old then this problem would cease to exist.

**Light - 1**

**L - 1**

"God, why do you have to be such a virgin!?!

"why do you have to be such a deviant?"

"Your mom"

"She's dead Light-kun"

"oh...whoops?"

**Light - 2**

**L - 3**

Light turned back to the videos to nurse his wounded pride, and L turned back to his cake, licking the strawberry juice from his slender fingers, now wondering about the pro's and con's of a dessert themed porno. Mmmmmhhh, strawberry cheesecake gone wild. He didn't notice the brunette boy come up behind him until there were arms around his waist and a chin on his shoulder.

"C'mon ryuzaki, please?"

Said detective pushed the persistant suspect away and pointed to his ring finger smugly.

"Not until I have a ring Light-kun, then perhaps we'll talk."

The only sound that could be heard next was the depressed groan of Light as he exited the room, hell bent on finding an open jewelry store at 1 in the morning, and realizing that the only thing he would be in the mood for after that would be a large bottle of Excedrin migraine.


	6. Peace, Love, And giant hearts?

Celebrating valentine's day was not a part of mello's plan...well neither was getting Near drunk and ravishing him but shit happens. Roger had insisted that they pull of some sort of skit centered around world peace and love for the sake of L who was coming to visit. As if that weren't bad enough he put Linda in charge!?! LINDA!?! The girl who insisted that they plaster tacky red and pink hearts everywhere, including the boy's lavatory. The girl who was made of sugar and spice and everything nice like a fucking powerpuff girl!?!

"Ok Near, c'mon out!"

I had to admit I felt sorry for the little bitch when he walked out with a pair of fluffy anfel wings and a heart shaped bow and arrow. Now she was looking around and grinning like a mad woman..

"Great! Now where's Mello?"

**OH HELL NO.**

I made a break for the door and would have made it through had someone not blocked my way. It was Matt...in a giant blue and ball, his arms and leggs poking out from the sides.

"Mello, I am the fucking world, **I'M THE WORLD" **He bellowed while dragging me toward Linda who was now holding a giant heart costume.

"Now, your gonna get into that heart and suffer like the rest of us"

"But I don't wanna be a heart"

"tough"

And so here I am now, facing the world's greatest detective and dancing around Matt, excuse me...the world, wearing a giant heart while Linda sings about world peace and Near floats around in a harness shooting peoples asses with suction cup arrows.

Somebody please kill me...or give me some chocolate...


	7. Life is like

Enjoy this scewed bit of logic.

* * *

"Life is like a box of chocolates." Mello trailed on while licking a chocolate bar absentmindedly. Being in constant life threatening positions, what with kira and the mafia, left Mello time to think about the meaning of life...and watch reruns of Forrest Gump, but we won't go into that...

"Nuh-uh"

Mello glared long and hard at the back of Matt's freshly dyed ketchup colored head, hoping that he might burn a hole into his brain....not that he had one or anything.

"Then what do you think it is fucktard?!"

Matt cleared his throat importantly while simultaneously blowing the head of some innocent bystander and stealing their car.

"Life is _obviously_ a game of Tetris."

Mello tossed back blonde locks and scoffed.

"And how is that?"

"Well, people spend their whole lives searching for the right pieces, the pieces that fit. Sometimes they think a piece will fit in a certain spot when in reality the piece fits somewhere else....making our lives like a game of Tetris."

The red head paused his game and looked up at the unamused blonde boss.

"Does my logic astound you?" He smirked at Mello still staring him down disgustedly.

"Stupid video game addict..."

* * *

Imagining Mello watching Forrest Gump amuses me to no end. XD

So how about it? Is life like a box of chocolate or a game of Tetris?

Think carefully before you speak...mello is armed and dangerous 0-0


End file.
